A Parent’s Guide to Navigating Covid-19
As the Covid-19 pandemic continues, parents are experiencing an extreme collision of roles, responsibilities, and expectations: parent, employee, partner, employer, friend, child, sibling, teacher, the list goes on. Here are some helpful strategies for parents navigating these uncertain times with their young adult children.
Share your emotional experiences
Before you start talking about rules and roles, take a moment to acknowledge what is happening. Likely emotions people of all ages are feeling deep down inside and right on the surface are grief, shock, sadness, anger, frustration, uncertainty and loss. Not everyone will feel every emotion, and most everyone will feel different emotions at different times, along with different triggers.
For college age kids – life on campus is something they likely worked hard for and looked forward to throughout their middle school and high school years – and poof, just like that, it’s gone. If they had a chance to experience one or more terms on campus, they are likely missing their friends, romantic partners, and all of the activities and freedoms that came with college life. If 2020 was supposed to be their freshman year, they are likely mourning the loss the life they imagined for years. And parents can mourn too – most likely, you’re paying the same tuition for an online experience; and you’re getting none of the freedoms (a quiet house to yourself) and happy memories (like Parents Weekend) you had planned on.
Take some time to connect older adult to younger adult on what emotions this time is bringing up for them; empathize with their frustrations and listen to understand rather than fix the situation for them. Sharing your own disappointments and frustrations will put you on the same team. Greater levels of understanding on both you and your child's emotional state will enable empathy for both parties.
Define your family expectations for Covid-19
Statewide regulations, health protocols, and family circumstances all impact individual protocols for navigating social distancing. With everyone living under the same roof, it is important to define your family’s rules about social interactions and discuss it together. If anyone in the family is at higher risk, the entire family is going to have to enforce stricter precautions.
Work with your young adult on a list of activities they can partake in within those boundaries; remember, they still are searching for a sense of independence and agency right now. Giving them options withing your stated boundaries can help ensure both parties are happy.
Embrace new roles
As your children emerge into adulthood, your role as a parent and their role as the adult child will look different. This can feel particularly heighted when living in the same home -- especially if one or more college age children had to return home once campuses closed. Develop a new system of rules, interactions, and shared housework that reflects both of your changing needs. You’ll be surprised at the things “you’ve always done” that your kids can pick up – and just might enjoy doing. Contributing to the household can provide a sense of “adulting” and accomplishment, making your adult child feel less helpless.
Be deliberate with your time spent together
Maybe some of the members of the family are working from home while others are e-learning and others somewhere in between. With each member trying to navigate their own changes, it can become easy to go through the day-to-day motions and feel even more emotionally distant from your children despite their close proximity. Work on being actively together and then actively apart. Maybe that looks like having a shared meal (with no electronics) each night.
That being said, it is also important to spend time alone. With your family confined under one roof, your previous outlets for personal time probably look very different. Whether it’s taking a walk alone, practicing a relaxation technique, or winding down with a bubble bath, it is important to intentionally incorporate it daily. Setting time boundaries for things you need to do and things you want to do will help keep your day on track.
Practice self-care
On airplanes, flight attendants will ask parents that in the case of an emergency, they put their oxygen mask on first, before helping their children to ensure everyone is safe. The same is true right now! It is more important than ever for parents to care for themselves. This is a loving act not only for you, it also helps expand your ability to support your children through the adversity they are facing at this time. So here is your permission slip: go for that walk, take that bath, step away for 30 minutes to meditate- whatever fills you up!